Just so you know, I NEVER want us to have a TV in our bedroom

This was something Tim said to me years ago, before we were married and moved in together. He could have said it to protect himself, but as a friend and husband he always wanted what was best for me. He knew that having a television on during or before you go to bed does not give you a restful night. He didn’t want that for us, ever.

I have been falling asleep with the TV on a lot lately. Haha- Whatwhat Tim? IN YO FACE!– I have this small TV that I move from room to room when I am doing something, like making dinner or cleaning a certain room. It has ended up in our room and I have been watching some TV shows on DVD to go to sleep. Surprisingly, Tim has not said to much against it or even about it. Sometimes, Tim falls asleep on the couch or in Grove’s room (he has his desk for school in there) and that is just Tim. We aren’t fighting or anything. If you know Tim or his twin, Stephen, they can seriously fall asleep anywhere. Because of this, some nights I go to bed alone and put the TV on for… comfort?… I guess. Well tonight, Tim came back from a long day trip to State College where he hung out with some Physicists *COUGH*NERD*COUGH COUGH* IloveyouTim…. He was really tired. He went right into bed when he came home. By the time I got into bed I decided that I will try to fall asleep without the TV tonight and just snuggle with Tim.

Now I know why I recently would watch TV to go to bed. Being snuggled up close to Tim and trying to turn my mind off is impossible. Thinking about how much we take our loved ones for granted. There are so many people who do not get to hold the one they love to go to sleep.  They go to bed lonely and feeling empty. When the day gets quiet and I am trying to not think of much, that is when my thoughts spiral down in despair and negativity. My thoughts just snowball and I become more and more upset. Yes, with the TV being on I may not get a good night sleep, but with recent (as in the past 6 months) events in our lives and upsetting news, I think I may find sounder sleep with the TV on instead of my brain.

Here is my “Don’t take people for granted” scpheal (How do you EVEN spell that?!!) – Be honest with people. Especially about your feelings towards them. You don’t know what will happen an hour from now. You may not have the chance to ever say it again. I feel like I hear that a lot. Usually people dealing with grief from losing a loved one, offers that advice to whoever will listen. But when you experience loss, you will find yourself giving out the same advice, if not, something similar.  I don’t know how long I will have the joy of falling asleep next to the man of my dreams, but I am trying to soak in every moment of it. I catch myself having that mindset throughout the little moments of our days together. I just tell myself to soak it up, like a sponge and I pray for a photographic memory, not that that will EVEN come close to having Tim right next to me for the rest of my life, but it can get me as close as possible to that dream.

Don’t worry too much about me and my state of mind. It is just late at night. God provides the strength I need to have faith in him to carry all of my loved ones through the night and faith to keep looking to him no matter what happens. We are in his hands. We are safe. I can put my trust in him and I find my rest in him.

And this song came to my heart after re-reading that. :
You’re calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place
Worthy, You are worthy

I open up my heart and let my spirit worship Yours
I open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy

Of a childlike faith and of my honest praise
And of my unashamed love

How loving are you, America?

Happy Independence Day, America! (Well…er.. yesterday). We have been visiting Tim’s family since Tuesday the 1st and leaving tomorrow. We were able to visit many people and spend some quality time with family.
Today was the perfect way to spend the fourth of July, so I wanted to share our fun. We woke up early (grabbed some Tim Horton’s) and headed fishing with 2/3 of Tim’s immediate family. His dad was so happy to finally be doing this all together. It was Tim’s parents- Jim and Alice, his sister- Ruth, twin brother- Stephen and of course, Tim, Grove and I. We were missing two brothers and a sister. Anyway, it has been a long time since I had been fishing so I was very eager to get reelin’. By the way, today was free fishing day in PA. We didn’t need a license. We only caught little ones, but it was still a lot of fun and yet very relaxing. Grandma was able to spend some quality time with Grove and he was able to enjoy his grandparents and aunt and uncle. I caught the most, but Stephen caught the biggest.
We went out to eat (most of us had fish) and then I headed to Ruth and Jeremiah’s house. (Tim, Stephen and their parents went to see the movie “America”.) We spent time out on the porch talking and laughing, enjoyed some of the neighbor’s fireworks and played with Grove. Things wound down and we ended up in the house. I heard the big fireworks going off, so I carried Grove outside and down the sidewalk to see if we could find them. We saw a few and Grove was all snuggly, nuzzling up to me, semi-scared and semi-loving. I showed him a the fireflies and we even caught a few. It was the ideal day for America’s birthday, all that was missing was some watermelon.

All of this to say, I am enjoying the little things that make life such a pleasure no matter what I may be facing. Grove has been a lot more loving towards everyone. He gives me hugs all the time and even kisses me while making the “mwah” sound. *sigh* he is the best! I was watching Grove interacting with some boys that were a few years older than him. He watches them for a while, when he first approaches them. Then he gets closer and points, sometimes even waves. Smiles a lot and sometimes pokes them. However, recently he has learned how to hug and kiss. He will lay his head on anyone, even people he just met and sometimes try and kiss them. He usually goes in for a head kiss. He saves the real ones for me 😀 He was chasing his cousin around the other day trying to give her kisses. As I watch him learning how other people relate to him, I can’t help but realize how warped his view of everyone around him will get by society, no matter how hard I try to prevent it. I wish I could preserve how he is seeing the world now and make it a permanent trait. To give everyone the love that they deserve, not even romantic, so that they know how cherished they are as a person. Someone notices their true beauty.
This has been a topic my best friend and I have been discussing recently. Why can’t society view beauty as in NO WAY a physical perception but rather the person as a whole. Where do we find the value in another person? It should be what they bring to relationships with others. Their skills and passions and knowledge or opinions. I have to admit that the physical appearance is usual my first understanding of a person. How messed up is that? Well, it is probably understandable since we have all been affected by this society.
America, the BEAUTIFUL.

Thank you to all of those who serve to give us the freedoms we celebrate every day and most of the time don’t even realize it.
* I didn’t look through the pictures taken today, but maybe I will upload some.
-Robyn