This was something Tim said to me years ago, before we were married and moved in together. He could have said it to protect himself, but as a friend and husband he always wanted what was best for me. He knew that having a television on during or before you go to bed does not give you a restful night. He didn’t want that for us, ever.
I have been falling asleep with the TV on a lot lately. Haha- Whatwhat Tim? IN YO FACE!– I have this small TV that I move from room to room when I am doing something, like making dinner or cleaning a certain room. It has ended up in our room and I have been watching some TV shows on DVD to go to sleep. Surprisingly, Tim has not said to much against it or even about it. Sometimes, Tim falls asleep on the couch or in Grove’s room (he has his desk for school in there) and that is just Tim. We aren’t fighting or anything. If you know Tim or his twin, Stephen, they can seriously fall asleep anywhere. Because of this, some nights I go to bed alone and put the TV on for… comfort?… I guess. Well tonight, Tim came back from a long day trip to State College where he hung out with some Physicists *COUGH*NERD*COUGH COUGH* IloveyouTim…. He was really tired. He went right into bed when he came home. By the time I got into bed I decided that I will try to fall asleep without the TV tonight and just snuggle with Tim.
Now I know why I recently would watch TV to go to bed. Being snuggled up close to Tim and trying to turn my mind off is impossible. Thinking about how much we take our loved ones for granted. There are so many people who do not get to hold the one they love to go to sleep. They go to bed lonely and feeling empty. When the day gets quiet and I am trying to not think of much, that is when my thoughts spiral down in despair and negativity. My thoughts just snowball and I become more and more upset. Yes, with the TV being on I may not get a good night sleep, but with recent (as in the past 6 months) events in our lives and upsetting news, I think I may find sounder sleep with the TV on instead of my brain.
Here is my “Don’t take people for granted” scpheal (How do you EVEN spell that?!!) – Be honest with people. Especially about your feelings towards them. You don’t know what will happen an hour from now. You may not have the chance to ever say it again. I feel like I hear that a lot. Usually people dealing with grief from losing a loved one, offers that advice to whoever will listen. But when you experience loss, you will find yourself giving out the same advice, if not, something similar. I don’t know how long I will have the joy of falling asleep next to the man of my dreams, but I am trying to soak in every moment of it. I catch myself having that mindset throughout the little moments of our days together. I just tell myself to soak it up, like a sponge and I pray for a photographic memory, not that that will EVEN come close to having Tim right next to me for the rest of my life, but it can get me as close as possible to that dream.
Don’t worry too much about me and my state of mind. It is just late at night. God provides the strength I need to have faith in him to carry all of my loved ones through the night and faith to keep looking to him no matter what happens. We are in his hands. We are safe. I can put my trust in him and I find my rest in him.
And this song came to my heart after re-reading that. :
You’re calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place
Worthy, You are worthy
I open up my heart and let my spirit worship Yours
I open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy
Of a childlike faith and of my honest praise
And of my unashamed love
thedobosadventure
thedobosadventure 